Dear Friend #24
What is the definition of enough? Is it even in our reach?
For a long time, I’ve been pouring from an empty cup. I was afraid that if I stopped, I’d lose everything I have. Now that I’ve lost everything, I don’t know how to heal from it, how to survive this misery.
When I was spiraling into darkness, no-one asked me how I was. First thing I was asked about my well-being was “why am I ignoring everyone around me?” I wasn’t. I was surviving, escaping reality because I wasn’t familiar with this darkness. It was swallowing me like a black hole. I didn’t know what to do.
When I explained myself, I was promised a better approach, a better surrounding for next time. I believed. I was comforted by those warm words. They made me feel.
With help and care, I was settling into my old life. I was laughing, enjoying, learning, doing things better. I was able to speak clearly again. I was spending days without shedding a tear. I was sleeping, eating, living my ordinary life, again. Most importantly, I was happy.
But life had yet to give more lessons. This time, there was no better surroundings waiting for me. Neither was any healthy approach. Those homes, I created with love and care, shut their doors on my face. I was left in the dark, all alone and broken, again.
A lot of time has passed. I picked myself up from that dark pit. I took care of myself. I pushed myself to keep moving. Today, when I look back, I see how far I’ve come. That lost soul had made a lot of progress.
Yet once in a while, I visit my old self. I fall back. I get stuck in those terrible memories. Still, I’m trying. Everyday I’m healing a little more than the previous day. I’m learning new outlooks toward life. I’m appreciating every little blessing in my life. I’m making mistakes and learning from them. I’m finally growing.
With this letter, I’m letting go of the burden I’ve been carrying for so long. Thanks for listening.
A Broken Ray of Hope