A Nobody

Captured by Zaki Alam Pushan

The remnants of my past mistakes lie about the floor like shattered glass, 
Glittering in the afternoon sun — mild yet its kaleidoscopic aura 
Reminds me of who I am, who I once was. 

You can’t see it, hence, you come to the conclusion that 
I am, in fact, a perfect being. 
I am not, I never was. 

And even when January halts to a place
Like it isn’t ready for me to embrace change, 
The void still remains like a scribbled image I sketched 
When I was bored in hour-long classes. 

My realizations about the mistakes I’ve once made is like 
An unscripted play — it runs wild in my head yet the curtains never fall, 
And the hands don’t clap for such bitter endings I come up with. 

My acceptance of myself is like an unwritten idea, 
I promise to sit with myself 
To finally offer peace to myself — but I never find the time to. 

My mistakes are repetitive 
Yet I don’t learn — I walk about the shattered glasses scattered on the floor
And splinter myself over and over again. 
You don’t learn
Even when it bleeds — you don’t build a better image of you. 

Today, my reflection stood in front of me
Six months from now — a version of me wounded somewhere in June
She stood there in silence as we both shared a glance — you don’t learn. 

I don’t see how the patterns twist and churn
And shape itself into a mistake, into me. 
I am not perfect, I never was. 
All I wait for now — is to learn once and for all
And see myself as whole in the mirror
Before it, too, falls apart, seizing the life out of me. 

I have sold too many versions of myself to the world, 
To people I wanted to mean something to
To belong somewhere wholeheartedly
And now I strike bargains to buy myself back; 
The versions that I sacrificed 
The pieces of the puzzles that made me into who I am — who I once was. 

But I lost the bids, 
Losing parts of me I thought would never lose
I, now buy new shells embellished in fancy feathers, 
They appear strange to me — yet I name them upon myself. 

From now on, you are me
Sit straight. Smile. Nod. and Exist
You are about to start out on a journey of being 
A nobody to the world.


  • Maliha Tribhu

    Maliha Tribhu is currently majoring in Marketing at the University of Dhaka. She is a rather disoriented being, catching glimpses of what goes on in people's minds and turning them into poetry every now and then.

  • Zaki Alam Pushan

    A chemical engineer who dreams of a world without pollution. A researcher who fell in love with solving problems. A photographer who tries to bring the coexistence of chaos and symphony, disturbance and tranquility through his work. Pushan believes his works are the connection between his dream and reality through his love.

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